Thoja

Thoja was born on a mild day in mid-April.  It was raining as Jesselm and her brothers walked down the winding dirt road to their neighbors farm, almost running in their eagerness to see the new puppies.  They had each been told weeks ago that they could pick out a puppy of their own once Lolly had her litter.

By the time they got to the barn, the rain had slacked to a gentle sprinkle.  Jesselm could still hear it on the roof, in the rare moments of silence between the chattering of her brothers.  Jesselm herself was quiet, standing shyly behind the others as they crowded close to the bitch, who looked at them and wagged her tail suspiciously.  The children had known Lolly since she was a puppy herself, but nevertheless she let out a gentle growl when James, the oldest, leaned suddenly close.

James took a reflexive step back.  Mr. Andras, standing just inside the door of the barn, said with a slight chuckle, "Y'all need to settle down a bit before she'll feel comfortable letting you at the pups.  Try sitting on the floor, and don't talk so much."

Silently, they sank to the floor.  There were four children, and all of their eyes were still but attentive, mesmerized by the nine puppies in front of them.  Jesselm couldn't imagine how she was going to pick one.  She'd wanted a dog of her own since she was seven; she was twelve now, and felt suddenly impatient, but she sat absolutely still.  Next to her, her younger brother Thomas was abnormally quiet, completely taken in by the furry wonders before them.  Most were very dark, and looked like they would take after their mother’s Siberian Husky appearance, though two were a lighter brown fading to golden.

Once the children had calmed down, Lolly relaxed, and turned to cleaning one of her puppies.  Everyone remained still a moment longer, and then a moment came when Jesselm could tell that Lolly had accepted them.  Slowly, she reached out a hand, not for a puppy, but for Lolly herself.  Lolly gave the hand a few licks, as if it was another puppy, then allowed Jesselm to scratch behind her ears.  Still fondling the mother, Jesselm reached out and stroked one of the puppies, then in a smooth motion scooped it into her hand and brought it to her breast.

Lolly perked up her ears at that and watched closely, but didn't make a sound as each of the other children did the same.  The boys started arguing, as calmly as they could, over who wanted what puppy, but Jesselm was somehow left out of it.  The puppy in her arms was mostly black, with a bit of silver here and there; looking at the small, fuzzy ears in front of her, Jesselm knew that this was the puppy for her.

In the weeks that followed, Jesselm and her brothers made the trek down the dusty road every day to see their puppies.  One day they arrived to find the puppies with their eyes open, playing out in the yard with Lolly; that was the day that they each named their puppy, though it was really more a matter of bestowing the names that they had already been hoarding in their hearts.  Jesselm called hers Thoja; she couldn't say where the name came from, but she knew it was right.  Thomas, who had picked out the lightest puppy of the litter, called her Honey; Daniel, who had picked out a solid black puppy, and called him Raven; James, who had picked out a mostly black puppy with brown markings, simply called him Sam.

***

Jesselm woke up early on the morning that they could take their puppies home.  She was afraid that she would have to wait a long time for her brothers, but she found Thomas already in the bathroom brushing his teeth.  By the time Thomas was out of the bathroom and Jesselm was done brushing her own teeth, James and Daniel were waiting at the door.

The sunlight still had the paleness of morning as they walked down the road.  When they carried the puppies away Lolly just watched, placidly, as if she understood that her puppies couldn't stay with her forever.  Jesselm remembered all the warnings that people had given her of how much work a puppy was, and wondered if Lolly was a little relieved that she wouldn't have to care for these four anymore.  Still, she wished she could explain to Lolly that the puppies weren't going far away and that she would still see them sometimes.

Most times when the children walked home it was with a certain sadness that they wouldn't see their puppies again until the next day; now, with furry, squirming puppies in their arms, they were giddy and chattering with excitement.  When they got home, they played until the puppies fell asleep with a heart-warming enthusiasm, all in a pile.  Rather than carrying them inside, the children laid down and slept in the grass, each with a hand on his or her own puppy.

From inside the house, their mother and father watched through a window, and smiled.  Taking on four puppies at once was enough to make any parents nervous, but they knew that the special bond which each of their children would get to experience - and seemed in fact to already be experiencing - was worth any cost.  Besides, their old dog Mattie had died last summer; she had been with them since James was two, and the whole family had been missing her presence keenly, the parents perhaps even more than the children.

***

As Thoja got bigger, Jesselm took to going for long walks in the hills behind their house with her.  Before, Jesselm was always afraid to go far from the house without her brothers or parents, but with Thoja she found the confidence to really explore.  One day she found a cave that she had never explored before, and after that she visited the cave often, making it a sort of fort for her and Thoja.  The rocky, narrow path that she took up from a flat meadow had enough turns that just getting there felt like an adventure.

By the time Thoja was seven months old, she was nearly as big as Lolly, and it seemed clear that she would someday be bigger.  Her dark puppy coat had lightened somewhat; there was more silver in her face, and her paws had gone almost white.  The whole litter was growing up to be large, regal dogs, but Jesselm always thought that Thoja was the most beautiful and graceful.

One day in late fall, Jesselm stayed too long at her cave and found herself trying to hurry back before twilight turned to dark.  Thoja often liked to run off and explore, but today she stayed close behind Jesselm as they wound down the path.

Jesselm had already taken several steps into the meadow when she saw, across the meadow in the deepening gloom, the wolves.  There were five of them, a small pack, and they were gathered around a fresh kill.  Jesselm had always liked wolves and had seen them more than once in the hills, but never when alone, never so close, and never when they had a kill to defend; it didn’t take more than an instant for wonder to turn to fear.  Thoja must have noticed them the same instant that Jesselm did, because when Jesselm put a hand back she found Thoja already still and alert.

In another second, the wolves had noticed them.  They all stopped eating for a moment and snarled; one, a big male, took a few menacing steps toward Jesselm and Thoja, emitting a surprising loud growl.  Jesselm backed up, and found her mind flashing with action, but none of it seemed right.  She knew that the wolves saw her as a threat to their food, not as prey, but running away still seemed like a bad idea - she knew how quickly the wolf would be able to cross the distance between them, and she just didn’t like the idea of turning her back.  On the other hand, comparing herself and Thoja to the wolf pack, she wasn't convinced that standing her ground would be any better.

Thoja decided what to do far before Jesselm could.  She slipped past Jesselm, every hair on her back stood up, and she let out one woof; it was similar to the noise that Jesselm knew Thoja made when she was confused and embarrassed to admit it, but a trifle deeper and a touch less uncertain.  The wolf's growl turned to a snapping bark.

"No!"  Jesselm shouted, as loud and firm as she could; she wasn't even sure whether she meant the wolf or Thoja, who, rather than running away as Jesselm would have expected, was throwing herself forward with a snarl to rival the wolf's.

For a moment Jesselm was certain that Thoja, and most likely Jesselm herself, was going to die.  She took a step forward, shouting again, ready to fight for their lives; but even though Thoja was so much smaller, the wolf hesitated.  Thoja stopped then too, and let out one long, low, growl.  As Jesselm watched in amazement, the big wolf backed up until he was with his pack.  They seemed to confer with one another, glancing at Thoja and at their kill, before disappearing into the brush.

Thoja continued to watch where they had been, alert.  Jesselm walked forward to her and put a hand on her shoulder.  They were both shaking, still scared from what could have happened and amazed by what had.  What Jesselm wanted more than anything was to kneel and shower her dog with affection and kisses, but she wasn't ready to let down her guard, and she could tell that Thoja wasn't either.  "Let's go home." she said instead; Thoja looked up at her briefly, giving her a quick grin with ears back and tongue lolling, and turned down the hill toward home.  They walked the rest of the way side by side, Jesselm's hand still on Thoja's shoulder.

***

When they got home, Jesselm fought down nervous tears while she told her family the story, strengthened by a cup of mint tea and multiple hugs from her parents.  Her brothers all focused on two things: how lucky she had been to see wolves with a fresh kill up close, and the fact that each of their dogs would have been at least as brave as Thoja.  Jesselm didn't doubt that, only she wasn't so sure that it was bravery; as she fell asleep that night with Thoja snuggled close against her, it felt more like love.